Cold. Just outside the cocoon of the blanket, the layers of blankets, it’s damn cold. I see your breath. My cabin in the city. It’s not what I want it to be but it suits me at the moment. Somehow it suits us. You’re warm next to me, asleep with a little grin on your face. Snoring slightly.
I never really could have imagined you. You with me. It seems unlikely and in the back of my mind I’m certain you’ll move on. That certainty may be my… our downfall. I’m aware of that. But no matter how many times you say you love me, I get the sneaking suspicion that you’ll see past me. Your youth sees just me at the moment. I’m blocking the view but you will step past me. It doesn’t change how I’m feeling for you. I’ve loved before but never like this. And it makes me selfish. I want to breathe you in, and take you in and spend every waking, sleeping, dreaming moment around you. With you. I want so sincerely for you to see all the good that I have and can offer… right now.
But it’s not right is it? The timing of all of this? Me at the beginning of my new life and you nearing the end of your old life. It’s a nice momentary fit and we both see what we need in the moment but… All the good that it offers won’t mask what we have yet to deal with.. What I have yet to deal with. My angels and demons that eat at me. My uncertainty in me that is the root of what breeds my uncertainty in us. Maybe later I think. And maybe not.
I pull you closer and you grin. In my cabin in the city.